The other day my boyfriend and said, “I like you a lot, but I see us as more of friends .” I asked if we can make our relationship work…or was this it? And he replied with, ”I think we should take a break and see how that works. I think it’s what’s best right now .” What?! Does this mean we can eventually get back together? Or is this his crappy way of breaking up with me? Ahhh!
Poor Mislead Mai,
Ugh, the old “let’s take a break.” BEYOND annoying because yeah, is this a break up or what? So there are two reasons why a guy may say this to you:
1) He Really Does Need A Break
Maybe he’s having a family problems, maybe he’s super stressed, maybe his dog died and he can’t even concentrate on anything else. If there’s an actual THING that could be distracting him from your relationship, then he’s serious when he wants a break. Or, vice versa–if you’re going through something that is making you kind of a crappy GF, he may want to put a pin in the romance until you sort stuff out. BUT, he will make it very very clear that this isn’t a break up and that you guys just have some issues to work through.
What to do: make sure you seriously evaluate what is causing this break, and put a time limit on it and reduce your contact with him. If, say, you or he is too caught up with SAT studying , make a pact that you’ll cool it for 4 weeks and then revaluate the relationship.
But remember, a good, solid relationship doesn’t need breaks. If a guy truly needs to step away, he may want to hook up with other chicks and have you wait around until he’s done. Um, no.
2) He’s Over It
And yes, he’s a wuss for not just telling you. The may have gone with the break line because he’s trying to spare your feelings or maybe because he really isn’t sure that he wants to be 100% done…but he wants to keep you on the hook and make sure you don’t move on until he decides. Either way, it’s a dick move.
What to do: Flip the script on him–tell him that YOU think it’s best to just break up completely. Delete his number, avoid him in the halls, don’t speak one word about him to mutual friends. Basically, you call his bluff and let him know you won’t be waiting around for him to decide when and if he wants you.
In most cases, he’ll panic thinking that you’ve moved on an try to get you back, but really evaluate whether or not that’s best for you. If he can pull this move once, will he do it again? And if he doesn’t come back? Well good. You’ve made a clean break and saved your dignity, which is the most important thing post break up, because it also saves you from additional pain.
I’m 17 and have a crush on this super popular guy at school. He’s tall, blonde, plays volleyball and is totally gorgeous. He’s my best friend’s cousin but he never says ANYTHING to me. He’s super outgoing and I’m really shy! How can I get him to notice me?
My dear Miss M,
It’s a pretty good bet that popular guys usually date popular girls. Why is that? Because popular girls catch their attention–that’s what makes those girls popular! They’re outgoing, fun, happy and not bad to look at, either. When they walk into a room, people notice because they want people to notice them. Their posture, the way they toss their hair, what they wear–it all adds up to them appearing confident and in control.
So, that’s what you need to become. I’m not saying that you need to try out for soccer just because the popular girls are–you still be you, just…You 2.0!
So the key to being getting his attention is to be his equal, socially. You need to be popular to so he’ll notice you. How do you become popular? Be confident! How do you do that? Watch this video
Now that you’re stuffed to the gills with confidence, let’s put it into action and become the queen bee…
If you follow all of these tips, TRUST ME, he’ll notice you. And don’t be afraid to strike up a chat with him. Asking a guy questions is a great way to kick off a convo. “So what was my BFF like as a baby? I bet she screamed all the time!” or “Hey did you already take that Chem final, was it super hard or fine?”
Guys like to feel important and asking them questions make them feel that way. So even if these tactics don’t end up getting the guy, at the end of the day you’ll have revamped your social status and infused yourself with tons of confidence. And to me, that’s better than all the blonde volleyball boys in the world
Every single Ask Shallon email I get is some variation on the theme of “How can I get a boy to like me?” I am a firm believer that you can’t, really, make someone like you. Think of it in reverse–think of a boy who you IN NO WAY want to make out with. What could he possibly do to change that? Chances are, nothing. It doesn’t mean he’s ugly or gross or mean or unlovable, there just isn’t that thing.
But. Suppose that a guy is kind of interested in you. You’ve caught him looking at you, flirting, making eye contact–all those non-verbal things that say he’s interested. How do you make him really like you, and, most importantly, ask you out?
One word: accessibility.
Plus, and this is crucial, never EVER EVER nag a guy to ask you out. NEVER. People say that women are like cats, but really, boys are: you can’t pressure them to do anything. If you try to force them into something, they flee. You have to act like you totes don’t care if they ask you out/play with the cat nip you specifically bought. Don’t fall for this horseshit about “Ohhh durrr guys like it when girls take charge!” Yeah, lazy guys like that. Guys who don’t want to put themselves on the line by asking you out–they want you to take all the risk. That’s not a guy worth dating.
But if you master these two keys to accessibility then you won’t have to worry about asking him out–he’ll come to you, baby!
Hey. HEY you. Do you follow me on Instagram? Well you know what, you should. First of all, I post a ton of AMAZINGGGG PICS. And secondly, if you ask me a question in a comment, there’s a 99% I’ll respond ASAP since I’m on Instagram constantly. It’s a problem.
Here’s a little sampling of the glory you’re about to be a part of…
You’re welcome/I’m sorry
I’m in middle school and im not the skinniest girl, but I’m definitely not fat. How can I still get my crush to like me?
Dear Un-Emaciated Em,
Firstly, thank you for spelling “definitely” correctly. I appreciate that. Secondly: who told you guys only date the skinniest girls they can find?? Oh wait I know–the entire media told you that. But honestly, it’s not true. In fact, I don’t know a single guy–not one!–who has ever said he prefers super skinny girls. Never heard a dude say that. Need proof? How about…
See where I’m going with this? The hottest girls aren’t always the twiggiest. That being said, one key way to make your crush like you is to be attractive–there’s no point in indulging in this Glee-esque bull shit that you can be whoever you want, no matter how weird or off putting and everyone WILL love you for it! A lot of times they won’t. People like attractive things. It’s science.
So how do you look your best even if you don’t necessarily have the body of your dreams? You dress for your shape!
Women carry body weight in different ways. Five ways, to be exact. No one is more ideal than the others but each should be dressed differently. For more on this, click here!
Let’s explore, shall we?
1) Apple Shape
Kristen Cavallari is a classic apple shape, carrying her fat in her midsection. Steer clear of things that are tight through the middle or skirts that are too long. Short is best because it shows off your fit legs!
2) Pear Shape
Kim K and Lady Gaga fall into this category and should stick to things that are fitted at the waist–loose styles make you look pregnant and wide throughout!
3) Wedge Shape
Audrina Patridge is wedges. Flowy tops and tight pants are your ideal recipe since it hides fleshy arms and back fat while highlighting your thin thighs, making you look more balanced.
4.) Hour Glass Shape
That’s me, baby! And Beyonce but I’m cooler, right? Wrap dresses and skinny jeans make the most of our ass(ets).
5) Rectangle Shape
No hips, no boobs, no butt? You’re a rectangle! As are most models and petite actresses like Natalie Portman or Kate Hudson.
See? There’s no perfect type of body. And like I said, skin and bones isn’t a dude’s ideal. So work with what you have and rock it. Because the sexiest girls are the most confident.
The guy I have had a HUGE crush on for months and months finally asked me out! But, now I don’t know what to do. I’ve spent so long obsessing about him and getting advice that I don’t know how to actually act or keep him as mine. Help!
–Penguin in Florida
My Preturbed Penguin,
This is a great question: what do you do after you get what you’ve been obsessing over?! So few of us ever actually think about that. It’s like that line from Dark Knight that the Joker says: “I’m like a dog chasing a car–what would I do if I actually caught it?”
Firstly you have to accept the fact that you probably don’t know your crush all that well. I mean you kinda do but not in that super-close BF/GF kind of way. So that is what you do now: you get to know each other! How do you do that? You hang out, spend time together and talk. But even talking can be super awkward. This video will help a LOT:
After you guys get to know each other a little bit, you can figure out what your common interests might be. At first, you’ll probably do fairly generic things like go to the mall, get lunch, go to the movies, etc, but talking will help you discover that–ta da!–you both love shooting shotguns! Or riding horses! Or making crepes! Ok probably not making crepes but you get the idea.
And then you can bond even deeper over those mutual interests. But the important thing to remember is to goooooo slooooowwwwly. Don’t rush and think that just because you’re “going out” or “together” it has to be this super serious romance. Take things one step at a time–otherwise you miss all the fun getting-to-know-you stuff!
Firstly, I”m sorry–that sucks SO BAD. I had a flawless, gorgeous BFF in high school and every single one of my crushes liked her and it was pure uncut torture.
Unfortunately, boys aren’t like the passenger seat in an F-150–you can’t call dibs. Laying claim to a boy doesn’t mean he’s going to like you back. All it means is that, hopefully, your friend isn’t going to actively pursue him or cock-block you. Can girls cock-block? You know what I mean.
So, you not speaking up probably wasn’t going to change the outcome of this situation anyway. For whatever reason, he likes her. And no, you shouldn’t have “gone in for the kill”–that’s a boy’s job. Not yours. And if you get used to doing so, you’re making some VERY bad habits that will not serve you well in the future. A guy who has to be chased isn’t a guy who’s truly into you.
Now, how to deal with this. I’d sit your friend down and be like “Look, I didn’t say anything but I really really liked Isaac for a long time and while I”m happy that you’re happy, it’s pretty painful for me to watch you two together. So I’m going to take a step back for a bit, just kinda do my own thing and hang with some other people and give you two—and myself–some space. No hard feelings and I’m not mad, I just need to not be around this right now.”
If she’s your friend, she’ll understand and hopefully tone down the PDA bc really, it’s lame and gross and embarrassing anyway. And if she doesn’t? Then fuck her and fuck him too. You need to protect yourself, not worry about a “friendship” with someone who actively makes you miserable. That’s not friendship.
Today we get a question from a dude bro who can’t figure out if his crush is crushing back or just playing games!
Theres this girl that i like, she happens to be one of my good friends. We text sometimes and she occassionally sends flirty texts like “by the end of your training your gonna be like rocky with a 8 pack” when I told her I started boxing. But I’m not sure if she likes me more than a friend. Also, I have a feeling she might like someone else…unsure tho.
Dear Konfused Kyron,
Hmm…well I’ll tell you this: I am a VERY flirty girl but I would never ever send texts that are even REMOTELY flirtatious to a guy I wasn’t into. The last thing I’d want is to make him think I liked him, unless I was some kind of control freak sociopath. And who knows, she may be. One in 20 people are! Anyway, barring the sociopath thing, she probably is into you.
But she could also be into other dudes as well. In high school, girls (and guys) are just learning to use this weapon called flirting and sometimes they just wile out and flirt with too many dudes at once. But again, I don’t think that’s the case.I think she’s probably into you. But there’s only one way you can know for sure: ASK HER OUT.
Yes, this will take guts, balls and other body parts but it’ll be worth it. If she says no, then boom, there’s your answer. Yeah it’ll hurt and feel gross but at least you’ll know! And then you can feel shitty for a week, sulk and then move on with your life.
But she could say yes. And how rad woud that be? But you’ll never know unless you just go for it.
I am, like, the worst blogger ever. I know this. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I’m just too lazy to do anything about it, usually.
BUT, I’m gonna tryyyyy to answer way more of your questions. I’m also writing an advice column for the rad GURL.com called Straight Talk With Shallon that answers Qs from my AskShallon@gmail.com account, so keep those questions comin’! In the meantime, whatever I can’t address there I’ll try to blog here.
So! Yes! Question!
I’m in grade 7 and there’s a guy I really like. We are friends so we talk a lot and we text each other a lot too. I wasn’t really sure if he liked me back so I asked my friend. It turns out he likes a really bratty girl. He’s never actually had a conversation with her, he just based it on looks. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t like me when he said he trusts me. I don’t know how to move on from him. Please help.
My Mighty Confused Mira
This is the thing with rejection–it doesn’t matter why. It really doesn’t. You will make yourself INSANE trying to figure out whyyyyy WHY WHY WHY doesn’t he want you when you are OBVIOUSLY so superior. And even if he turned up at your door with a list of reasons why he’s chosen The Skank over you, it wouldn’t make you feel better. I know this because it actually happened to me–I convinced a guy to explain, in agonizing detail, why he was leaving me for a stripper. Literally a stripper. And boy did he ever. And boy was it awful.
But, if you’re reeeeaaaally looking for an answer, it could be that you’re too available. Available = not dateable. Boys LOVE the unknown. They love is at much as we hate it. We want to know know know KNOW if a guy likes us. They don’t actually want to know right up front if a girl likes them. They like the chase. They like to be frustrated. Everything we hate, they thrive on. It’s infuriating. So he’s known you for years–exactly the problem. He knows you. There’s nothing left to discover (or so he sees it, bc he’s an idiot). But The Skank is all sorts of interesting. Even her bratty attitude is intriguing. There’s something about a bitchy girl that reminds guys of sex. To them, bitch = sex. Don’t ask me why.
I have a serious boyfriend and even now, I have to play a little bit hard to get. I’m not instantly answering texts. I’m not always down to hang out. I do my own thing. And he sweats me. Unfortunately, with so much history between you too, it’s kind of a lost cause to play hard to get now. He sees you as Just a Friend (again bc he’s an idiot) and it’s nearly impossible to change a guy’s mind on that front.
So. Getting over him.
The surest sign that a boy isn’t worthy is that he doesn’t love you. Think about it. I know a guy is quality when he has the good sense to ADORE me. If your crush had an ounce of good taste, he’d choose you over The Skank. But he doesn’t. And you can’t chance a person’s preferences. I’ve tried. Boy have I tried. And boy was it awful.
Make a list of all the things you kind of really don’t like about him. Maybe he’s short, or a ginger or smells kind of rank after gym class or writes like a serial killer. Whatever it is, write it down, tell your friends and make them remind you when you get sad. And STOP TALKING TO HIM. Don’t torture yourself. Who cares if he’s like “Um WTF”? Who cares?? Protect your heart, not his. He’s not your friend. You have other friends. And they are females.
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