Dear Shallon,

I’m 17 and have a crush on this super popular guy at school. He’s tall, blonde, plays volleyball and is totally gorgeous. He’s my best friend’s cousin but he never says ANYTHING to me. He’s super outgoing and I’m really shy! How can I get him to notice me?

–Medina

My dear Miss M,

It’s a pretty good bet that popular guys usually date popular girls. Why is that? Because popular girls catch their attention–that’s what makes those girls popular! They’re outgoing, fun, happy and not bad to look at, either. When they walk into a room, people notice because they want people to notice them. Their posture, the way they toss their hair, what they wear–it all adds up to them appearing confident and in control.

So, that’s what you need to become. I’m not saying that you need to try out for soccer just because the popular girls are–you still be you, just…You 2.0!

So the key to being getting his attention is to be his equal, socially. You need to be popular to so he’ll notice you. How do you become popular? Be confident! How do you do that? Watch this video :)

Now that you’re stuffed to the gills with confidence, let’s put it into action and become the queen bee…

 

If you follow all of these tips, TRUST ME, he’ll notice you. And don’t be afraid to strike up a chat with him. Asking a guy questions is a great way to kick off a convo. “So what was my BFF like as a baby? I bet she screamed all the time!” or “Hey did you already take that Chem final, was it super hard or fine?”

Guys like to feel important and asking them questions make them feel that way. So even if these tactics don’t end up getting the guy, at the end of the day you’ll have revamped your social status and infused yourself with tons of confidence. And to me, that’s better than all the blonde volleyball boys in the world ;)

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Every single Ask Shallon email I get is some variation on the theme of “How can I get a boy to like me?” I am a firm believer that you can’t, really, make someone like you. Think of it in reverse–think of a boy who you IN NO WAY want to make out with. What could he possibly do to change that? Chances are, nothing. It doesn’t mean he’s ugly or gross or mean or unlovable, there just isn’t that thing.

But. Suppose that a guy is kind of interested in you. You’ve caught him looking at you, flirting, making eye contact–all those non-verbal things that say he’s interested. How do you make him really like you, and, most importantly, ask you out?

One word: accessibility.

What does that mean? Let’s break it down:
1. You’re physically accessible.

Don’t always be around your friends. Spend some time solo, preferably in the same place at the same time every day so he knows where to find you. Would you want to walk up to a whole group of dudes and ask  your crush out? Noooo! Neither does he. There are few things more terrifying to a guy (of any age) than a herd of females.

Boys view ALL of your friends as Regina George

2. You’re emotionally acessible
The number one thing a guy wants in a girl? She’s “easy to be around.” NUMBER ONE. This means that you are no drama, no nagging, no constant emo feelings talks. Do you freak out when he says something you don’t like? Do you jump down his throat when you see him talk to other girls? Do you stalk his movements? A guy needs to feel like he can tell you stuff and relax –they don’t want a fiasco drama situation every day. Or, any day for that matter.

WE may love Taylor, but guys think she's crazy.


Plus, and this is crucial, never EVER EVER nag a guy to ask you out. NEVER. People say that women are like cats, but really, boys are: you can’t pressure them to do anything. If you try to force them into something, they flee. You have to act like you totes don’t care if they ask you out/play with the cat nip you specifically bought. Don’t fall for this horseshit about “Ohhh durrr guys like it when girls take charge!” Yeah, lazy guys like that. Guys who don’t want to put themselves on the line by asking you out–they want you to take all the risk. That’s not a guy worth dating.

I hate this show and I hate this relationship

But if you master these two keys to accessibility then you won’t have to worry about asking him out–he’ll come to you, baby!

XO,

Shallon
 

Hey. HEY you. Do you follow me on Instagram? Well you know what, you should. First of all, I post a ton of AMAZINGGGG PICS. And secondly, if you ask me a question in a comment, there’s a 99% I’ll respond ASAP since I’m on Instagram constantly. It’s a problem.

Here’s a little sampling of the glory you’re about to be a part of…

I'll never stop doing duckface. NEVER.

 

Bad decisions, ahoy!

 

Chicks & bikinis what more do you want?

You’re welcome/I’m sorry

 

Hey Shallon,

I’m in middle school and im not the skinniest girl, but I’m definitely not fat. How can I still get my crush to like me?

–Emma

 

Grossness x 2

Dear Un-Emaciated Em,

Firstly, thank you for spelling “definitely” correctly. I appreciate that. Secondly: who told you guys only date the skinniest girls they can find?? Oh wait I know–the entire media told you that. But honestly, it’s not true. In fact, I don’t know a single guy–not one!–who has ever said he prefers super skinny girls. Never heard a dude say that. Need proof? How about…

 

Soooo NOT super thin

or

 

Held together by Spanx and hope!

or perhaps

O000, Katniss!

 

See where I’m going with this? The hottest girls aren’t always the twiggiest. That being said, one key way to make your crush like you is to be attractive–there’s no point in indulging in this Glee-esque bull shit that you can be whoever you want, no matter how weird or off putting and everyone WILL love you for it! A lot of times they won’t. People like attractive things. It’s science.

 

Just, like, ENOUGH ALREADY Glee.

So how do you look your best even if you don’t necessarily have the body of your dreams? You dress for your shape!

Women carry body weight in different ways. Five ways, to be exact. No one is more ideal than the others but each should be dressed differently. For more on this, click here!

Let’s explore, shall we?

 

I'm a Beyonce--what are you?

1) Apple Shape

Kristen Cavallari is a classic apple shape, carrying her fat in her midsection.  Steer clear of things that are tight through the middle or skirts that are too long. Short is best because it shows off your fit legs!

2) Pear Shape

Kim K and Lady Gaga fall into this category and should stick to things that are fitted at the waist–loose styles make you look pregnant and wide throughout!

3) Wedge Shape

Audrina Patridge is wedges. Flowy tops and tight pants are your ideal recipe since it hides fleshy arms and back fat while highlighting your thin thighs, making you look more balanced.

4.) Hour Glass Shape

That’s me, baby! And Beyonce but I’m cooler, right? Wrap dresses and skinny jeans make the most of our ass(ets).

5) Rectangle Shape

No hips, no boobs, no butt? You’re a rectangle! As are most models and petite actresses like Natalie Portman or Kate Hudson.

See? There’s no perfect type of body. And like I said, skin and bones isn’t a dude’s ideal. So work with what you have and rock it. Because the sexiest girls are the most confident.

BOOM

XOXO,

Shallon

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Dear Shallon,

The guy I have had a HUGE crush on for months and months finally asked me out! But, now I don’t know what to do. I’ve spent so long obsessing about him and getting advice that I don’t know how to actually act or keep him as mine. Help!

–Penguin in Florida

So...like...what happens next?

My Preturbed Penguin,

This is a great question: what do you do after you get what you’ve been obsessing over?! So few of us ever actually think about that. It’s like that line from Dark Knight that the Joker says: “I’m like a dog chasing a car–what would I do if I actually caught it?”

Firstly you have to accept the fact that you probably don’t know your crush all that well. I mean you kinda do but not in that super-close BF/GF kind of way. So that is what you do now: you get to know each other! How do you do that? You hang out, spend time together and talk. But even talking can be super awkward. This video will help a LOT:

How To Get To Know Your Crush

 

After you guys get to know each other a little bit, you can figure out what your common interests might be. At first, you’ll probably do fairly generic things like go to the mall, get lunch, go to the movies, etc, but talking will help you discover that–ta da!–you both love shooting shotguns! Or riding horses! Or making crepes! Ok probably not making crepes but you get the idea.

And then you can bond even deeper over those mutual interests. But the important thing to remember is to goooooo slooooowwwwly. Don’t rush and think that just because you’re “going out” or “together” it has to be this super serious romance. Take things one step at a time–otherwise you miss all the fun getting-to-know-you stuff!

XO,

Shallon
Follow me on Twitter and Instagram

 


 

Dear Shallon,

Hi, I need some major help. I’ve had a crush on Luke for 8 months but never did anything about it besides just flirt with him. Now, Luke started liking my BFF. She thinks thinks I’m cool with it, but I’m really not. I can’t stand it, she bragged about him one day so much that she almost had me in tears. I’m still crazy about him, and the two both are in that stage, where they show PDA to the max. Most days, I feel like I sincerely hate her for this.
Was I the wrong one, who shyed away, and didn’t go in for the kill, or is my best friend the wrong one, who didn’t know I seriously cooled on this subject? Help!
-Kay

 

 

27 Dresses--one of my favorite on-screen love triangles!

 

 

Dear Krushed Kay,

Firstly, I”m sorry–that sucks SO BAD. I had a flawless, gorgeous BFF in high school and every single one of my crushes liked her and it was pure uncut torture.

Unfortunately, boys aren’t like the passenger seat in an F-150–you can’t call dibs. Laying claim to a boy doesn’t mean he’s going to like you back. All it means is that, hopefully, your friend isn’t going to actively pursue him or cock-block you. Can girls cock-block? You know what I mean.

Huh, I guess so!

So, you not speaking up probably wasn’t going to change the outcome of this situation anyway. For whatever reason, he likes her. And no, you shouldn’t have “gone in for the kill”–that’s a boy’s job. Not yours. And if you get used to doing so, you’re making some VERY bad habits that will not serve you well in the future. A guy who has to be chased isn’t a guy who’s truly into you.

Now, how to deal with this. I’d sit your friend down and be like “Look, I didn’t say anything but I really really liked Isaac for a long time and while I”m happy that you’re happy, it’s pretty painful for me to watch you two together. So I’m going to take a step back for a bit, just kinda do my own thing and hang with some other people and give you two—and myself–some space. No hard feelings and I’m not mad, I just need to not be around this right now.”

 

Tell it, Nene!

If she’s your friend, she’ll understand and hopefully tone down the PDA bc really, it’s lame and gross and embarrassing anyway. And if she doesn’t? Then fuck her and fuck him too. You need to protect yourself, not worry about a “friendship” with someone who actively makes you miserable. That’s not friendship.

XO,

Shallon
Follow me on Twitter and Instagram

 


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Today we get a question from a dude bro who can’t figure out if his crush is crushing back or just playing games!

 

Hi Shallon,

Theres this girl that i like, she happens to be one of my good friends. We text sometimes and she occassionally sends flirty texts like “by the end of your training your gonna be like rocky with a 8 pack” when I told her I started boxing. But I’m not sure if she likes me more than a friend.  Also, I have a feeling she might like someone else…unsure tho.

–Kyron

Do NOT let yourself get here!

 

Dear Konfused Kyron,

Hmm…well I’ll tell you this: I am a VERY flirty girl but I would never ever send texts that are even REMOTELY flirtatious to a guy I wasn’t into. The last thing I’d want is to make him think I liked him, unless I was some kind of control freak sociopath. And who knows, she may be. One in 20 people are! Anyway, barring the sociopath thing, she probably is into you.

Paris Hilton is a sociopath. She is.

 

But she could also be into other dudes as well. In high school, girls (and guys) are just learning to use this weapon called flirting and sometimes they just wile out and flirt with too many dudes at once. But again, I don’t think that’s the case.I think she’s probably into you. But there’s only one way you can know for sure: ASK HER OUT.

What's the worst that could happen?

 

Yes, this will take guts, balls and other body parts but it’ll be worth it. If she says no, then boom, there’s your answer. Yeah it’ll hurt and feel gross but at least you’ll know! And then you can feel shitty for a week, sulk and then move on with your life.

But she could say yes. And how rad woud that be? But you’ll never know unless you just go for it.

XO,

Shallon
Follow me on Twitter and Instagram and check out my column on Gurl.com, Straight Talk With Shallon!

 

 

I am, like, the worst blogger ever. I know this. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I’m just too lazy to do anything about it, usually.

I suck.

BUT, I’m gonna tryyyyy to answer way more of your questions. I’m also writing an advice column for the rad GURL.com called Straight Talk With Shallon that answers Qs from my AskShallon@gmail.com account, so keep those questions comin’! In the meantime, whatever I can’t address there I’ll try to blog here.

So! Yes! Question!

Hi Shallon,

I’m in grade 7 and there’s a guy I really like. We are friends so we talk a lot and we text each other a lot too. I wasn’t really sure if he liked me back  so I asked my friend. It turns out he likes a really bratty girl. He’s never actually had a conversation with her, he just based it on looks. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t like me when he said he trusts me. I don’t know how to move on from him. Please help.

–Mira

A very similar situation: a guy who can do SO MUCH BETTER


 

My Mighty Confused Mira

This is the thing with rejection–it doesn’t matter why. It really doesn’t. You will make yourself INSANE trying to figure out whyyyyy WHY WHY WHY doesn’t he want you when you are OBVIOUSLY so superior. And even if he turned up at your door with a list of reasons why he’s chosen The Skank over you, it wouldn’t make you feel better. I know this because it actually happened to me–I convinced a guy to explain, in agonizing detail, why he was leaving me for a stripper. Literally a stripper. And boy did he ever. And boy was it awful.

 

WHO would ditch Brandi for Leann?! It will never be understood and Brandi will waste her time trying to figure it out

 

 

But, if you’re reeeeaaaally looking for an answer, it could be that you’re too available. Available = not dateable. Boys LOVE the unknown. They love is at much as we hate it. We want to know know know KNOW if a guy likes us. They don’t actually want to know right up front if a girl likes them. They like the chase. They like to be frustrated. Everything we hate, they thrive on. It’s infuriating. So he’s known you for years–exactly the problem. He knows you. There’s nothing left to discover (or so he sees it, bc he’s an idiot). But The Skank is all sorts of interesting. Even her bratty attitude is intriguing. There’s something about a bitchy girl that reminds guys of sex. To them, bitch = sex. Don’t ask me why.

 

See what I mean?

 

I have a serious boyfriend and even now, I have to play a little bit hard to get. I’m not instantly answering texts. I’m not always down to hang out. I do my own thing. And he sweats me. Unfortunately, with so much history between you too, it’s kind of a lost cause to play hard to get now. He sees you as Just a Friend (again bc he’s an idiot) and it’s nearly impossible to change a guy’s mind on that front.

So. Getting over him.

The surest sign that a boy isn’t worthy is that he doesn’t love you. Think about it. I know a guy is quality when he has the good sense to ADORE me. If your crush had an ounce of good taste, he’d choose you over The Skank. But he doesn’t. And you can’t chance a person’s preferences. I’ve tried. Boy have I tried. And boy was it awful.

 

 

Remember this nightmare? My crush on Brody Jenner ended when he revealed himself to have such bad taste, he'd date AVRIL LAVIGNE. Shudder.

 

 

Make a list of all the things you kind of really don’t like about him. Maybe he’s short, or a ginger or smells kind of rank after gym class or writes like a serial killer. Whatever it is, write it down, tell your friends and make them remind you when you get sad. And STOP TALKING TO HIM. Don’t torture yourself. Who cares if he’s like “Um WTF”? Who cares?? Protect your heart, not his. He’s not your friend. You have other friends. And they are females.

 

girl friends > guy friends

 

 

XO,

Shallon
Follow me on Twitter and Instagram and check out my column on Gurl.com, Straight Talk With Shallon!


 

Well now I certainly have experience in this category hahahah…ha…ha :/

If you’re all twisted about a guy (or girl) these easy tips will have you throwing deuces in no time.

 

Dear Shallon,

Im entering high school in Fall 2013 and I’m very, very excited. Since I havent lived the reality of high school yet, I was wondering what the cold, hard truth of boys in high school. I want to know if they are sex/girl hungry? Are they are neutral and chill and will go after a girl he actually likes? Or both? And how do you handle each group of boys?

Warning: The guys at your school will NOT look like Zac Efron :/


The biggest thing to understand about HS dudes is that they’re at all different stages in terms of physical and emotional development. Some are already super mature and able to have a GF. Some are barely hitting puberty and still punch girls in the arm as a way of flirting. Some are just looking for as much sex as possible.

Basically, they’re the guys of One Direction:

The Good Guy: Louis Tomlinson

Most good dudes won't actually be carrying koalas. But, a lot of them will be.

Louis is a relationship dude. He always was and always will be. He doesn’t have that itch to slay as many chicks as possible. It’s obvious in the way he speaks, his manners–everything. It just oozes from him, the way Harry oozes pure sexual magnetism. The Louis are patient, they are respectful. They meet your dad with a firm handshake. They ask you out on proper dates, not just text “Sup” at midnight. True, there aren’t a lot of these guys in high school but there are some.

 

The Sex Hungry Playboy: Harry Styles

Oh he's not charging you for the condom? What a prince!

Harry is not a boyfriend type guy, at least not yet. A man reaches his sexual peak at 18 (!!!) but women don’t until age 32. Not every guy is as obvious about his horndog-status as Harry is, so to suss out whether or not your crush is just out to get in your pants, bluff him. Tell him you do not hook up. No sex before college for you. And don’t say it in a flirty way, like a challenge, nor when you two are already rolling around making out. It’ll be hard to resist at that point. It’s like going on a diet when the cake is already in the oven.

Instead, bring it up on the first date, casually but firmly: “Do you watch Teen Mom? OMFG what is with those girls. I’m going to wait until college to go all the way, who needs the drama?” See what he says or how he reacts, not necessarily in the moment but in the days and weeks after. If he stops calling or pulls away, that’s your answer.

And it has NOTHING to do with you. Honestly, it’s his hormones. Like when you’re PMS’ing and choose cookies over broccoli. It’s not broccoli’s fault. It’s just your hormones pulling you in a different direction.

 

The In-Betweener: Niall Horan

Goofy, funny, cute, confusing

Not exactly a playboy but not totally the BF type, Niall is the kind of dude who clearly likes you but just isn’t quite ready to be your boyfriend. You, as a girl, are (and always will be) way more mature than a guy. At any age. So you are ready to have a BF and, HELLO he likes you WTF is the problem? He’s like a toddler who wants to run, but just can’t yet. He doesn’t know how. He simply lacks the skills to make it happen. So he kind of flails around–dates here and there, but also flirts with other girls–and it can really break your heart.

A guy like this is ready for GF/BF status around age 21. Seriously. If not later. So if he’s all over the place, keep him as fun dating practice, maybe a fun hookup, but don’t get too invested in him. And DEFINITELY don’t sleep with him. I learned this the hard way, darlings.

Hope this all helps. Remember, when it comes to war, natural disasters or boys, forewarned is forearmed.

XOXO,

Shallon