Ask Shallon: My Boyfriend Wants to Take a Break…What?

Hi Shallon

The other day my boyfriend and said, “I like you a lot, but I see us as more of friends .”  I asked if we can make our relationship work…or was this it? And he replied with,  ”I think we should take a break and see how that works. I think it’s what’s best right now .” What?! Does this mean we can eventually get back together? Or is this his crappy way of breaking up with me? Ahhh! 

–Mai
Poor Mislead Mai,

Ugh, the old “let’s take a break.” BEYOND annoying because yeah, is this a break up or what? So there are two reasons why a guy may say this to you:

1) He Really Does Need A Break

jussy

Maybe he’s having a family problems, maybe he’s super stressed, maybe his dog died and he can’t even concentrate on anything else. If there’s an actual THING that could be distracting him from your relationship, then he’s serious when he wants a break. Or, vice versa–if you’re going through something that is making you kind of a crappy GF, he may want to put a pin in the romance until you sort stuff out. BUT, he will make it very very clear that this isn’t a break up and that you guys just have some issues to work through.

What to do: make sure you seriously evaluate what is causing this break, and put a time limit on it and reduce your contact with him. If, say, you or he is too caught up with SAT studying , make a pact that you’ll cool it for 4 weeks and then revaluate the relationship.

But remember, a good, solid relationship doesn’t need breaks. If a guy truly needs to step away, he may want to hook up with other chicks and have you wait around until he’s done. Um, no.

justin

2) He’s Over It

And yes, he’s a wuss for not just telling you. The may have gone with the break line because he’s trying to spare your feelings or maybe because he really isn’t sure that he wants to be 100% done…but he wants to keep you on the hook and make sure you don’t move on until he decides. Either way, it’s a dick move.

selena

What to do: Flip the script on him–tell him that YOU think it’s best to just break up completely. Delete his number, avoid him in the halls, don’t speak one word about him to mutual friends. Basically, you call his bluff and let him know you won’t be waiting around for him to decide when and if he wants you.

In most cases, he’ll panic thinking that you’ve moved on an try to get you back, but really evaluate whether or not that’s best for you. If he can pull this move once, will he do it again? And if he doesn’t come back? Well good. You’ve made a clean break and saved your dignity, which is the most important thing post break up, because it also saves you from additional pain.

selena2