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Ask Shallon: My Crush Liked Me Back But Now He’s Ignoring Me–What Happened?

shallon — Fri, 09 May 2014 20:23:27 +0000

Shallon help!

My crush and I kissed a few times and had an amazing time together…but then he just kind of vanished. He won’t return my texts and never wants to hang out, and I hear that he’s flirting with other girls and he’s becoming really popular. But when I see him at a party, he’s all excited to see me. ?!?! What’s going on?

–Rebecca

Royally Confused Rebecca,

Ugh YUCK. I hate hate hate HATE things like this, where you have this amazing awesome intense connection with someone and then POOF they just vanish and it’s like ummm hello? If we had fun why do you not want that fun to continue?!

So true.

So there’s a few different reasons why he’s gone MIA and gotten weird…

1) He’s popular now and is drunk with that power

When a guy become popular, it’s like he becomes a celebrity. and we all know how good celebrities are at staying faithful! he’s basically like a kid in a candy store. To wait around for him to “sober up” is a huge waste of time.

They always act soooo innocent

2) He’s just learning how to flirt

Teenage boys are just waking up to their flirting skills, whereas girls have known how to flirt and charm since we were 5! So again, they’re super amped on this new found power and don’t want to limit themselves to one girl, or even know how, really.

3) He’s kind of a dick

Most likely, this is it. Honestly, I have no clue what makes guys disappear when a good fun cool chick is right there in front of them. But that’s what makes them dicks–is that they don’t recognize a quality girl when they see one!

So here’s the big question: why is he still so into it when you guys see each other in person? Well, why wouldn’t he be? He does like you, he is attracted to you, and you are lots of fun. Of course he’s going to react to that! But whether or not he can sustain that behavior and that interest is a different story (see #1 and #2) It doesn’t sound like he’s in the headspace for a relationship, so stop trying to make it happen.

Learn when to let go, unlike our darling Taylor :(

Maybe in a few years when he grows up a bit, he’ll realize how rad you are and want a relationship. But that will ONLY happen if you bow out of the current situation gracefully, which means no calls, no texts, no emo feelings talks. Otherwise he’ll associate you as “the crazy girl” (unfair, I know) and that label lingers.

harrystyles

At least it did for me. And Taylor, obviously.

Ask Shallon: My Boyfriend Wants to Take a Break…What?

shallon — Wed, 16 Apr 2014 23:50:12 +0000

Hi Shallon

The other day my boyfriend and said, “I like you a lot, but I see us as more of friends .” I asked if we can make our relationship work…or was this it? And he replied with, ”I think we should take a break and see how that works. I think it’s what’s best right now .” What?! Does this mean we can eventually get back together? Or is this his crappy way of breaking up with me? Ahhh!

–Mai
Poor Mislead Mai,

Ugh, the old “let’s take a break.” BEYOND annoying because yeah, is this a break up or what? So there are two reasons why a guy may say this to you:

1) He Really Does Need A Break

jussy

Maybe he’s having a family problems, maybe he’s super stressed, maybe his dog died and he can’t even concentrate on anything else. If there’s an actual THING that could be distracting him from your relationship, then he’s serious when he wants a break. Or, vice versa–if you’re going through something that is making you kind of a crappy GF, he may want to put a pin in the romance until you sort stuff out. BUT, he will make it very very clear that this isn’t a break up and that you guys just have some issues to work through.

What to do: make sure you seriously evaluate what is causing this break, and put a time limit on it and reduce your contact with him. If, say, you or he is too caught up with SAT studying , make a pact that you’ll cool it for 4 weeks and then revaluate the relationship.

But remember, a good, solid relationship doesn’t need breaks. If a guy truly needs to step away, he may want to hook up with other chicks and have you wait around until he’s done. Um, no.

justin

2) He’s Over It

And yes, he’s a wuss for not just telling you. The may have gone with the break line because he’s trying to spare your feelings or maybe because he really isn’t sure that he wants to be 100% done…but he wants to keep you on the hook and make sure you don’t move on until he decides. Either way, it’s a dick move.

selena

What to do: Flip the script on him–tell him that YOU think it’s best to just break up completely. Delete his number, avoid him in the halls, don’t speak one word about him to mutual friends. Basically, you call his bluff and let him know you won’t be waiting around for him to decide when and if he wants you.

In most cases, he’ll panic thinking that you’ve moved on an try to get you back, but really evaluate whether or not that’s best for you. If he can pull this move once, will he do it again? And if he doesn’t come back? Well good. You’ve made a clean break and saved your dignity, which is the most important thing post break up, because it also saves you from additional pain.

selena2

Ask Shallon: I Like A Popular Guy But I’m Shy–Help!

shallon — Thu, 10 Apr 2014 23:45:58 +0000

Dear Shallon,

I’m 17 and have a crush on this super popular guy at school. He’s tall, blonde, plays volleyball and is totally gorgeous. He’s my best friend’s cousin but he never says ANYTHING to me. He’s super outgoing and I’m really shy! How can I get him to notice me?

–Medina

My dear Miss M,

It’s a pretty good bet that popular guys usually date popular girls. Why is that? Because popular girls catch their attention–that’s what makes those girls popular! They’re outgoing, fun, happy and not bad to look at, either. When they walk into a room, people notice because they want people to notice them. Their posture, the way they toss their hair, what they wear–it all adds up to them appearing confident and in control.

So, that’s what you need to become. I’m not saying that you need to try out for soccer just because the popular girls are–you still be you, just…You 2.0!

So the key to being getting his attention is to be his equal, socially. You need to be popular to so he’ll notice you. How do you become popular? Be confident! How do you do that? Watch this video

Now that you’re stuffed to the gills with confidence, let’s put it into action and become the queen bee…

If you follow all of these tips, TRUST ME, he’ll notice you. And don’t be afraid to strike up a chat with him. Asking a guy questions is a great way to kick off a convo. “So what was my BFF like as a baby? I bet she screamed all the time!” or “Hey did you already take that Chem final, was it super hard or fine?”

Guys like to feel important and asking them questions make them feel that way. So even if these tactics don’t end up getting the guy, at the end of the day you’ll have revamped your social status and infused yourself with tons of confidence. And to me, that’s better than all the blonde volleyball boys in the world

Ask Shallon: My Crush Likes My Best Friend!

shallon — Tue, 25 Jun 2013 16:20:42 +0000

Dear Shallon,

Hi, I need some major help. I’ve had a crush on Luke for 8 months but never did anything about it besides just flirt with him. Now, Luke started liking my BFF. She thinks thinks I’m cool with it, but I’m really not. I can’t stand it, she bragged about him one day so much that she almost had me in tears. I’m still crazy about him, and the two both are in that stage, where they show PDA to the max. Most days, I feel like I sincerely hate her for this.

Was I the wrong one, who shyed away, and didn’t go in for the kill, or is my best friend the wrong one, who didn’t know I seriously cooled on this subject? Help!

-Kay

27 Dresses--one of my favorite on-screen love triangles!

Dear Krushed Kay,

Firstly, I”m sorry–that sucks SO BAD. I had a flawless, gorgeous BFF in high school and every single one of my crushes liked her and it was pure uncut torture.

Unfortunately, boys aren’t like the passenger seat in an F-150–you can’t call dibs. Laying claim to a boy doesn’t mean he’s going to like you back. All it means is that, hopefully, your friend isn’t going to actively pursue him or cock-block you. Can girls cock-block? You know what I mean.

Huh, I guess so!

So, you not speaking up probably wasn’t going to change the outcome of this situation anyway. For whatever reason, he likes her. And no, you shouldn’t have “gone in for the kill”–that’s a boy’s job. Not yours. And if you get used to doing so, you’re making some VERY bad habits that will not serve you well in the future. A guy who has to be chased isn’t a guy who’s truly into you.

Now, how to deal with this. I’d sit your friend down and be like “Look, I didn’t say anything but I really really liked Isaac for a long time and while I”m happy that you’re happy, it’s pretty painful for me to watch you two together. So I’m going to take a step back for a bit, just kinda do my own thing and hang with some other people and give you two—and myself–some space. No hard feelings and I’m not mad, I just need to not be around this right now.”

Tell it, Nene!

If she’s your friend, she’ll understand and hopefully tone down the PDA bc really, it’s lame and gross and embarrassing anyway. And if she doesn’t? Then fuck her and fuck him too. You need to protect yourself, not worry about a “friendship” with someone who actively makes you miserable. That’s not friendship.

XO,

Shallon

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Ask Shallon: How to Fake Confidence

shallon — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 19:52:55 +0000

Sorry I’ve been soooooo MIA you guyzzzz! I went on vacation, etc etc, Miami, blah blah blah rehab.

Anyway! I’m back. As you know, I always say that confidence is the key to attracting your crush. But one fan made a good point: what exactly does being confident look like? Here are some easy ways to make people think you’ve got stellar self esteem…even if you don’t!

Ask Shallon: Finding a Valentine’s Day Date

shallon — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 16:20:47 +0000

Don’t pretend that you hate Valentine’s Day when really, you’re dying to see your crush! Check out my uber-easy strategy for scoring some time with your sweetheart…

Ask Shallon: How to Date a Famous Guy

shallon — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 20:04:57 +0000

Athletes, actors, rockstars and even a governor. I’m not a 10 (maybe a 9.87, right?) but I’ve managed to pull some famous, foxy guys. How? So glad you asked…

Ask Shallon: How Can I Make New Friends

shallon — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 19:00:51 +0000

Kiki is moving to NYC and is worried that she’s too shy to make friends and break out of her shell. HOGWASH! Check out my advice…

Ask Shallon: Rekindling an Old Romance

shallon — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 07:58:24 +0000

One of my Brazilian readers (who probably has a fantastic ass, amirite??) wonders if it’s too late to start things up again with her ex. And surprise, surprise, I have the answer…xoxo

Ask Shallon: Should I Give Up on the Girl I Like?

shallon — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 16:48:00 +0000

Ari is in 8th grade and totes smitten with a girl…who told him to leave her alone. :/ Should he give it another try or move on? I’ll tell him the one surefire tactic to win her back and/or save his reputation!

Got a romance Q? Email me at [email protected]!