If you’ve been apart from a former lover for a year or more, and you need to get them back, you need a game plan. A year is a lot of time and things will likely have changed. There will be no going back to the way things were, but you can make it work.
Getting back with an ex after a year will require a bit of tact. You need to study the situation and determine what spot you’re in before you finally make your move.
Among other things, you may have both gone out with and had sex with new people or that your ex may already have moved on or is in a relationship with someone new.
These and more factors are going to affect how to get back an ex back after a long time, so you have to keep them in mind. Even if you’re just trying to figure out how to get an ex back after months, and you decide to go for it, your strategy must have at least these factors into the equation.
Why do you want to get him/her back?
So, a year or so has passed and you have decided your ex is the person you wanted to be all along. Well, why do you want to get back with him or her again, all of a sudden? Did something change? Did you never get over them to begin with, and if so, why? Did you ever make active measures to get a new life? What actions did you take after the breakup to ensure you did?
Did you try to get help from friends or family? Are you a hundred percent sure it’s what you want and will be able to live a healthy life regardless of what comes of it? If you don’t have answers to any one of these questions – if you hesitated before answering any of them, maybe you’re not in the right piece of mind to getting back with your ex after a year or more.
You need to stop making any kind of contact with your them and work on building yourself up into the person you want to be, first. Go out, have fun, meet new people – keep him/her off your mind as much as you can and accept that the two of you broke up. Make sure it’s not just an unhealthy obsession that you mistook for love. Low self-esteem, especially when the relationship in mind is the first is a common misapprehension people have for genuine love. Sometimes, you’re better off letting sleeping dogs lie.
Here are a few examples of some situations where you definitely should not consider getting back with your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
- The two of you constantly had fights and you don’t recall what the fuss was all about. It probably won’t go to being like before. You’ll need to understand that whereas you may have worked on yourself as a person, there is no guarantee your ex has. If you’re a gambler, there’s a higher chance they haven’t than have.
- They had an affair with someone else you and you think they have changed and the situation will not repeat itself.
- Your ex dumped you for a new partner and broke up with that person and the position is free for the taking once again.
- He/she hit you physically or abused you emotionally and you feel like you need to give them another chance.
Notice that most people who want to get back together with their exes are usually under the delusion that things have changed without any real evidence of the same. It’s understandable that getting such evidence is difficult in itself but no action should be taken without some kind of assurance things will be different; otherwise, everything that happened will happen once again.
As with nearly everything in life, it’s not all doom and gloom. There are situations that genuinely warrant getting together with your ex. Maybe they did have something special and looking back at it, the two of you can work through your differences. Here are a few examples of such understandable situations:
- One or both of you were not willing to commit to a serious relationship at the time. The joys of youth are wondrous, and not wanting a relationship is one of the great joys it permits. As you grow older and more mature, things could have changed.
- One of you did not want to have children, but now they have changed their mind.
- One of moved to a new country, city or town and you could not maintain a long distance relationship.
- In the spur of the moment, you made the decision to break up with them and you realize you were being rash and can be given another chance.
This list isn’t comprehensive. It’s just supposed to give you a comprehensive idea of when it’s reasonable to pursue a second chance at a relationship with your former lover. Whether you need to know how to get ex-girlfriend back after a year or just how to get ex-girlfriend back after months, it works the same way. You first need to have something solid to stand on.
How to Get an Ex Back After Years?
The initial step of getting back with getting back with your ex is easily the most difficult. Since it has been a while and there’s a great big chance you have not been in contact with them, breaking the ice out of the blue is going to be difficult. The trick towards the very first step is being as nonchalant about it as possible. The last thing you want is for them to believe you were mulling over them during the entire breakup. (If you were, that’s a terribly unhealthy sign and you need to think things some more.)
The simplest, non-invasive way is by making contact with them through texts. They are relatively private, unless you want someone to see them, effective – there’s nearly a hundred percent chance they will be delivered – and unobtrusive – they have the choice of reading them if they want or not. You need to give off an air that says you have not forgotten about them but have been living your life as an individual.
Think of how you would contact a friend you have not met in years instead of treating them like a person you have dated and it didn’t work out. An easy example would be something along the lines of:
“Hey Jo, Facebook just showed me a bunch of old pictures of you and your good boy Snoop and I thought I should check up on you; see how you’re doing.”
It’s a casual, non-intrusive way to get in touch, and the message gets across almost immediately. You get extra points for not trying to flirt right away or showing any signs of desperation. The more points, the more likely you will get a reply.
Once the foundation is built and you’ve determined there’s no grudge between you two, which could take quite some time, try to rebuild the burnt bridges. Try and recreate the spark and light into a flame once again.
This could be by keeping in contact constantly, depending on what they like: some people prefer not to be double-texted, others want a reply within two seconds and others just want you to keep in touch.
Once everything is in place, try asking them out – maybe for a cup of coffee or get some ice cream or even to see their pet, if they have one. People with pets usually have a strong emotional bond to them and are more likely to accept if you take that angle. You get extra points for picking something they like rather than your own preferences. Extra extra points if they have a pet and the pet trusts you already.
If your ex agrees, you can consider it a date. Take them out on a walk, have fun and don’t forget to demonstrate how much progress since the last time the two of you were together. Try not to be obvious about it, though. If you try and play the game way too early, there’s a great chance it will just blow up in your face before you make any progress.
At this point, you will have to recall one of the wisest quotes you will ever hear: “love is like a fart, if you force it, it’s probably shit.” Things should flow naturally. If you need to steer them in that direction, possibly with a fair bit of effort on your part, chances are you’ve already made a mistake.
Take things as slow as you can to allow them to get comfortable with you once again. If you’ve really changed that much, it may even take some time getting used to the new you. Supposing you’re successful, when you get back with your ex, don’t let the work you’ve done and all you’ve accomplished go to waste. Getting back with an ex after a year isn’t a walk in the park, but it’s perfectly doable. As a last resort you can always use guides like the one Brad Browning created.