Olivia Wilde seems nice enough, but I really don’t understand what the sexual hubbub is about.
I mean just look at this:
She’s skinny, but in an odd way, has no boobs and looks ever so slightly like a dinosaur. Except she’s got longer arms.
So unless I missed the memo about flat-chested dinowomen being all the rage, I really don’t understand why she’s getting laid more than I am.
After a lifetime of hockey obsession, I’ve decided to finally man up and join a fantasy league. It hasn’t even started but already I’m totally confused. This word “rotisserie” keeps coming up and I don’t know if it has another purpose aside from making me hungry, but that’s all I’m really getting out of it.
But for now, the main problem is what member name I should use. There are loads of clever ones that I came up with like “Malkin in the Middle” and “Dont Toews Me, Bro!” but they’re already taken and I’m bitter. So here are some suggestions. Some are funny…and some are just plain true.
Well kids what do we think? Any of these names jump out at you? Tell tell tell!
I’m not a cat person (too allergic) but yet I am currently playing foster mama for a little kitteh that my BFF Klo found on the beach in New Jersey. Someone out there has been poisoning little kittens, horrifying, so she rescued the bebe but we need to find her a permanent home!
Her name is Owl, she’s got her shots and is about 6 weeks old and already knows how to use the litterbox! She loves to cuddle and purr and will fall dead asleep on your shoulder or on top of your head. Check her out, and I DARE YOU not to fall in love with this kitteh…
You probs saw me mention this on Twitter buuuut…I’m on TheDirty.com!
I heart this website, so I’m irrationally excited that I’m on it, even though it’s not meant to be complimentary.
If you’re not familiar with this site, it’s kind of like a PerezHilton for sluts and douchebags. Some guy named Hooman, who changed his name to Nik Richie for whatever reason, posts pictures of various skanks, Ed Hardy gaylords, gold diggers, etc, and makes fun of them.
At first you’re like “Why do I care about these people?” and then you quickly realize that you don’t care why, you just do, because they’re ridiculous, wear too much jewelry (girls and guys) and love to flash that weird peace sign in pictures.
I do none of these things, so I’m a little mystified why I’m on there, but even more mystified by who submitted me. They didn’t write anything bad at all (“She’s in love with herself”–uh DUH, I’m on a reality show. It’s kind of a prerequisite) and trust me honeychild, I’ve done PLENTY of bad things.
Anyhoo, what’s stranger still is that the post is now hidden or impossible to find, but if you’re curious, here it is! (Feel free to leave a nice comment) (That’s an order).
That creepy looking guy on the right? Yeah that’s Hooman aka Nik Richie. Keep in mind that he makes fun of how people look for a living. Those who can’t do teach, right Nik?
A movie that I have seen and love love loved?
I’m not sure what it was called, I think it was about Charlie Brown or clouds, maybe. It was all, blah blah blah dead brother, something something sailing. Bottom line: ABS.
Weeeee! One week from now my friend Amber and I will be lying on a beach in Miami, weeeee! I’m so excited.
I’ve only been to Miami once for a wedding, so I have no idea where to go out. Do you guys have any suggestions for some fun places? We don’t really wanna do the club scene, but maybe some fun bars with dancing that we can get rowdy at? Bc srsly, we get ROWDY. Just in case you need a visual reminder, here are some snaps from our trip to Jamaica a few months ago. Trouble.
Lately my friends and I have been discussing the topic of how you define yourself. For me, my career defines me. Without it, I don’t know who I am. I don’t introduce myself as a Californian, an only child, an Aquarius, a patriot or a My Chemical Romance fanatic–even though I am all of those things. Instead, I say “Hi I’m Shallon, I’m a writer.”
But is this even healthy, especially in this economy? When my job(s) fluxuate (and believe me they do), so does my self esteem, in an extreme way. So what is the alternative, to define yourself by your boyfriend? Your kids? Your place in your family? That doesn’t sound much more sane.
“It’s not what you do,” my friend Marcia said, “it’s who you are and how you interact with the world that defines you.”
Uh yeah but if I’m not happy career wise, I ain’t being too sweet to the rest of humanity, TRUST.
What do you guys think? How do you define yourself?
OK enough heavy talk…vampires!!!!!
Oh mah gahhh you guyz, look where his left hand is. That lucky BITCH. I had a sex dream about him last night…there was a nuclear holocaust and I was dying and he said that he could save me but I’d have to become a vampire, and rebuild humanity somehow.
My exact words were “But you’d put your mouth on my neck, right?”
“Well…” he said, not prepared for that response, “yes but–”
“Fine. Sold. Bite away!”
Wow. I need a boyfriend.
The other night I went to an NBC press party with my darling friend Nasim, who’s on Saturday Night Live, and we ran into Mel B, aka Scary Spice. Actually, we ran into her husband, who is quite a charmer and took one look at me and said the words I’ve been waiting to hear pretty much my entire life:
“Oh damn, you have an ass like a black girl! You might be the only white girl I’ve ever said that to!”
Then he grabbed my by the hand and drug me over to Mel exclaiming, “Honey look! Look at her ass! Isn’t it just like yours?!”
“Go ahead,” I said proudly, “give it a pat–it feels even better than it looks.”
I wasn’t scurred–I do a hell of a lot of squats thanks to my trainer, Reggie Chambers. Mel and Stephan gave my fanny a little smack and declared that it was indeed as good as hers.
I think I can die happy. Srsly.
